Fear of Success: Do You Have One Of These 6 Symptoms?
I remember the first time I realized I was afraid of success: “Are you afraid of success?”
The day that this happened I could not get myself off the coach and I could not stop crying and my mind was like, “you have no reason to be upset, what is wrong with you.”
Who is afraid of success!? I thought. When we become successful are, we not suppose to be happy!
Well. (:: that is not what happened to me ::)
Here the truth that I’ve come to learn:
MOST people are afraid of success. But most of us don’t realize it.
Here’s the evidences that you maybe afraid of success:
– You are working slowly, hesitantly, or not at all.
– We’re mentally make excuses for why we have not done the work we need to do to be come successful.
– We’re making beautiful, detailed plans and not actually taking the steps to get things done.
– We’re getting partway through our plans, and then not showing up at a key moment because we were knocked down by a wave of anxiety.
Fear of success is easy to miss, because it looks a lot like procrastination and insecurity.
It’s easy to shrug fear of success off by saying “meh, I’m just not that type of person” and never bother to look closer at why you do not follow throw with your plans. Maybe they are the real problems, I will give you that — and maybe they’re not- because if we are being honest, we cause most of our problems ourselves. One thing is for sure: Fear of success is hard to stop if it’s not confronted and dealt with.
Today is the day that we are going to change your fear of success. How can fear of success show up in your life. Get out your pen and paper and take notes of anything that is a aha moment for you. Everyone is different so what rings true for one person will be different for someone else and that is perfectly fine.
“Success” looks a very differently from one person to the next, and so everyone’s ‘fear of success’ will be different.
Success is measured in many different way, income level, free time in one’s calendar, how you perceive yourself or how you think others perceive you. I am the last person to judge how anyone measures success. The only reason I brought this up is to say that the way you define success will change the possible fear you experience. So, lets look at each symptom and see which one resonates with you!!!
Six symptoms of fear of success.
Lets find the statements that resonate with you:
#1 “What if I don’t actually want the spotlight on me?”:
Do you see and admire the success of others, and wish that when you post something on line, it will get hundreds of likes and shares??
But in truth you fear having that spotlight on you and you don’t actually want people to see the true you because you are worried about how they are going to judge you?
Or, do you tell yourself what if they stop liking me and all the attention goes away? Would it be more upsetting to you to gain that attention to only have it taken away?
Is the thought of having hundreds of thousands of people that you don’t know following you, commenting on your every post freak you the fuck out? This is scary as hell because now you are not only in that safe place with your family and friends because they are what is familiar to you.
Just the idea of all these people listening to you causes you more fear that you every experienced before.
#2. “Now let’s play the “What if” game. Your new found audience may bring out all the haters and assholes.”
The safe thing to do is stay small, keep a small audience because they are going to be a great deal kinder to you and they will praise. They will support you even if you fail time and time again. They will tell you things like, “you will do better next time…”
When you stay small you know these people love you, and you never have to defend what you are doing or worry about them attaching your emotions.
I once was listening to a famous life coach and she said, “I never listen to the haters because if they are not willing to step into the ring and get bloody doing this what they say does not matter.” She also said, “She only takes advise from people who are in the ring with her covered in blood.” You have to know that there will always be people who talk shit about you no matter what you do… You could be feeding the hungry and there will still be people who have to talk shit about what you are doing and who you are.
Keep in mind the bigger you become; the more assholes will come out of the woodwork. These are people who will miss the point you are trying to get out there. These same people are going to say useless criticism, and they are going to emotionally rape you, but you have to remember they are not in the ring with you and everyone can shoot their month off behind a computer screen!!!
This will make you less comfortable than how you are currently living your life. Because the people in your life that know you will give you the benefit of doubt, and are invested in both you and your work. That’s because they love and know you.
It’s so easy to stay in that safe place.
#3: “The fear of, I won’t deliver?”
Despite what you think this has nothing to do with your knowledge and skill set. I know what you are thinking it has to be about my actual skills. Nope it doesn’t that is not what we are talking about here….
This fear will arise after it is clear that you do have the capability to do something amazing. You know you have the skills but you have not started to reach for the job you really want to have. Your fear takes over and your mind says something like, “You will mess this up, and when you do everyone will know you can’t do it, you can’t make it like they did.”
The Impostor Syndrome can sneak in here. The Impostor Syndrome, as the name implies, is a where you start to think your own success is just a charade on your part. That despite an indisputable external track record of accomplishments, you’re afraid that you’re going to be exposed as a fraud. You think everything was just luck, or you barely managed to pull it off, and you’re afraid that you won’t do it this time and everyone will know.
Plenty of high-achieving people have Impostor Syndrome.
In fact, Impostor Syndrome sufferers often work several times harder than actually necessary to make sure they don’t fail. But that just perpetuates the cycle because they think they succeeded only because they barely pulled it off with all that work, and they actually aren’t skilled.
It’s not true, of course. (But when did truth ever make feelings feel less real?)
And if you suffer from the Impostor Syndrome, you’re going to be afraid that this next big job will prove that you have been a fraud all along, and everyone will see.
So you keep yourself in a holding pattern of doing safe, low-profile, undemanding, boring work. Even as you look to the next level and long to be there.
#4: “ Success will turn me into something I don’t want to be.”
Sometimes, fear of success comes from having certain ideas about successful people. Like:
“Successful people are all loud. They’re all popular. They’re obsessed with money. They’re kind of jerks. I’m not loud or popular, and I don’t want to turn into that.”
Or:
“I know someone who became successful and then started being really snobby.”
Or:
“Some of the people I most admire for their kindness and goodness are not what you’d consider ‘successful.’ And that’s okay. So maybe I should be like them. Plus, I saw an article once about how CEOs are all narcissists, so obviously nice people don’t seek that out.”
Thinking that success is correlated with terribleness can hold you back from doing your work. Who would want to turn into an unlikeable person?
Here is what I know for a fact, if you were an asshole before you were successful you will still be an asshole once you are successful. If you where a kind and giving person before you were successful you will be someone who is kinder than before and you will help more people because now you have more ways to help them.
#5. “If I become successful, I won’t have time for the things I do now.”
If you had the business you want, how would the way you use your time change?
Maybe you’d have to double or triple the clients — and therefore, the work hours. Or you’d need to hire help and have to spend time managing people. Or you’d spend a lot more time doing technical, spreadsheety things that make the corner of your right eye twitch.
What about your kids, your family, your friends, what about going out on the town?
Success sounds stressful, now. Who the hell wants to work all the time? And if all you currently see accompanying “yay my client list is full” is “wow, I won’t be able to read my kids bedtime stories anymore,” If you are telling yourself that you can’t do this or that anymore, then you’re probably going to quietly hold yourself back.
Or is this just another excuse not to be successful?
#6: “I don’t really want things to change.”
You probably have a pretty good work routine now. Or at least, you know what “working” looks like. You come home, you fire up the laptop, do 3–5 things you’re used to doing, check Facebook, send some emails, and are done for the night.
Running a fully successful business might require you to do a totally different set of things. Installing and using new programs, hiring assistants, writing new contracts, meeting new people, mastering new skills, trying new marketing avenues, and generally just doing a bunch of stuff that you’re not doing now.
It’s easier to keep opening your laptop, doing the 3–5 things, checking Facebook, and sending some emails.
Humans aren’t terribly motivated to do extra work. Even simply changing a routine requires the effort of figuring a new one out — never mind the work the new routine entails. It’s also just hard to get your head around a new set of relationships, roles, and tasks. Change is scary and hard to imagine beforehand.
Do any of these sound familiar? So what now?
Here’s your assignment.
Fill in the blanks:
1) Success to me is: ___________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________.
Also, ____________________________________________.
And it would be great if ___________________________.
2) What feels scary about that?
You might have to fiddle with the question. If you think “Nothing feels scary about making a hundred thousand dollars with a long waiting list” — then maybe this isn’t your issue, but you could also try these questions:
What would have to change for me to get there? What feels uncomfortable about that?
What am I putting off doing that would get me there? What feels so noxious about it that I’m avoiding it?
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________.
You can only solve a problem if you identify it first.
Next time I’ll tell you exactly how to walk these fears back — but you have to locate them first.
In the meantime, let me know in the comments if there are other ways you’ve had a fear of success come up for you — it always helps to hear from many experiences!
